Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story. They all belong to DC comics. I make no money off of this and do not intend to infringe on any copyrights.

Hamster Dance does not belong to me. It was taken from the nutty site.com and its original origins are unknown to me personally. This fan fic is strickly for amusement of the fans and no profit is made from it or any other venture.

Author's Notes:

Thank you very much to Kat! For encouraging me to finish this story! I don't think I would have ever mustered up the courage to post it without her. Thanks, Kat!!!

A huge thanks goes to Smitty for helping with editing and with the dialogue. She helped me with much of the dialogue and gave me some great ideas. I would like to say that she helped co-author this story. Hope you don't mind me saying that, Smitty! You're awesome!

This is my very first attempt at trying to write comedy. Hope you like. ^_^

Hamster Dance
By Rose

Dick Grayson’s motorcycle kicked up small clouds of dust as he brought it to a halt in front of the enormous home before him. Wayne Manor, a short drive north of Gotham, loomed over visitors. Its gothic structure and the occasional flutter of bats only added to the house’s intimidating presence, further adding evidence to the notion it might have once been used in an old scary movie.

The young man smiled. //Home sweet home.// He stood and turned to secure his helmet before casually strolling up the walk. After knocking on the massive door, he took a small step backwards. Waiting, Dick took a moment to survey his surroundings. The sun hung low in the sky to say that night would soon arrive. He could not help but feel a small rush of excitement. Sure, the young vigilante had grown and matured since leaving behind Robin’s colorful shorts and cape for the darker Nightwing costume, but he still could not help feeling anticipation for the night. In the night he felt free to soar above the streets of Blüdhaven and Gotham-free to fly.

Only a few moments passed before Alfred came to greet him at the door. “Why, Master Dick. Won’t you come in, young sir.” Alfred spoke in cultured tones. “I’m glad you could make it for dinner. I am afraid Master Bruce has not yet returned home, though his meeting concluded twenty minutes ago. He should return shortly.”

“Thanks Alfred. Is Tim here yet?”

Dick could have sworn he had seen Alfred wrinkle his nose slightly at that, but in a moment the reaction was gone, leaving him to wonder if he had even seen it at all.

Alfred merely said, “Master Timothy has been down in the cave for quite some time now. I must confess, I do not have the slightest inkling of what he’s doing; however, at times I do believe I catch a bit of rather... interesting music.”

At Dick’s curious look, the butler continued, “I do hope that he isn’t playing one of those internet games on the Batcomputer. You both know how Master Bruce disapproves of the computer’s use for anything other than... official business. Perhaps you should go down and ascertain the odds of his continued existence.”

Flashing Alfred a grin, the young man said, “Come on, Alfred. Tim and I have practically lived in that cave for years and should know better. We wouldn’t do that, now would we?”

The British butler didn’t respond but merely raised one eyebrow before continuing on his way to the kitchen. Dick spoke to his retreating figure, “I wouldn’t worry. Tim’s probably just doing a work out to some music or something.”

The young man made his way to the secret cave entrance and slowly walked inside. The soft glow of the cave’s lighting and the bright light of the Batcomputer met his eyes. “Or not,” he muttered, walking down the steps to join Tim at the computer terminal. His footsteps halted however, when he heard the first notes of the annoying song drift through the air.

“Oh no,” Dick groaned, dropping his head and shoulders sagging.

*Dip bah dee dah dee doe doe. Dee bah dih dah doe... Doo Doo Doo...*

He couldn’t refrain from shaking his head as he heard the song repeat. Tim, for one, did not even notice his friend’s approach and sat perfectly still, staring wide-eyed at the computer screen. “I see you’ve fallen prey to its mind control as well,” Dick said coming up to stand behind Tim’s chair. “...Tim? ... Tim!”

“Dick?” the young man spoke without turning away. “Isn’t this the most hypnotizing thing you’ve ever seen? I’ve never seen anything quite like this before.”

Dick stood staring at the row upon row of animated hamsters twirl, jump, and shake. “Yeah, I’ve seen it. It comes in stages, you see. First you laugh... and then you just sit there and ask of yourself... why?”

Tim merely nodded. Chuckling, Dick smiled and said, “And I can see you have moved on up to the staring stage.”

“We have got to show this to Babs!” Tim said as the hamster laughed and the song repeated yet again.

Dick smirked, “What, are you kidding? Who do you think sent it to me in the first place? She's just another one of those poor, helpless, hamster addicts. Yeah, she tried to hide it, but every time I walked in, those darn things were doin’ the Mambo #5.”

“Oh...” Tim mumbled absently, his focus once again on the tiny figures bouncing up and down on the screen.

“Why, Tim, I do believe thou hast fallen as well.”


“Look at yourself. How long have you been sitting here? You’re addicted. Admit it!”

“I am not!” The boy responded without averting his gaze. “It’s just... amusing.”

“Uh-huh, sure. You know, Tim.” Dick said looking down at him with a smirk. “The first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem.”


“You know,” Dick continued, chuckling, “Barbara even has the CD.”

The third Robin turned around in his chair and stared up at Dick with raised eyebrows. “They actually made a CD out of this? There’s something just wrong and disturbing about that.”

“Yup. It’s the dance mix.” Both laughed and Dick shook his head.

“Master Timothy!”

“Uh-oh,” Tim whispered and ducked his head slightly.

Dick smirked and said, “Oh, now you’re in for it.”

“Thanks,” the boy mumbled.

Alfred Pennyworth bristled as he made his way over to two of his surrogate sons. “You *are* playing on the Batcomputer! ....Master Richard, do not stand there smiling, young man. You’re an accomplice as well. You should have told him to desist immediately.”

Tim ducked his head again and envisioned Dick and himself scouring every square inch of the immense Batcave with the finest of Alfred’s feather duster collection in hand. Glancing to his partner-in-crime, Tim could see the well-hidden sense of anxiety until Alfred stopped his rant to look past his shoulder. “Why if Master Bruce... my word, what is that?”

Dick and Tim turned to one another and grinned before returning in unison. “It’s the Hamster Dance, Alfred!”

“And that’s all those... animations do?” the butler asked with a little distaste coloring his British accent.

“Yep,” Dick stated, referring to the jumping and rotating hamsters onscreen. “That’s all they do. Over and over... and over again...it never ends!”

“Why that’s absurd... but it is rather... mesmerizing.”

The three stayed to watch the screen for several minutes, Alfred seeming to have forgotten all about his duties upstairs. None noticed the looming figure stalking up behind them in the shadows.


Dick, Tim, and Alfred all turned to see the Dark Knight himself staring down at them. The Bat’s eyes narrowed in disapproval. Crossing his arms in front of his chest, he spoke. “I trust you are all finished?”

“Ah yes, sir.” Dick could not help but smiled a little as Alfred tried to come up with an excuse. It was so rare that he got to see his cultured friend flustered. “I just came down to see how the young Masters were faring. I shall return to my duties at once, sir.”

Batman nodded and turned his attention to the remaining two while Alfred hurried up the steps, of course all the while diligently pretending not to hurry. Batman’s piercing gaze then settled on the boy in front of the computer terminal. “Tim?” came the voice the Batman often used on his prey.

“This isn’t what you think it his,” the boy exclaimed hurriedly. “I was just... um... researching.”


“Uh, yeah.” Tim took that moment to gain a greater understanding of the natural patterns etched in the Batcave’s stone floor. “You see... the possibility occurred to me that the Hamster Dance is actually some.. nefarious plot to control the minds of the masses!... I figured it was my duty as your partner to check out the website... and uh... make sure it was truly harmless.”

Tim stole a glance up at the Dark Knight who stared intently at him without uttering a word. It did not help that Dick was turning an intriguing shade of crimson in his valiant effort to stifle his laughter.

“Yeah...” Tim merely returned his gaze to the floor and gave a nervous chuckle. Dick, on the other hand, met Batman’s gaze dead on and only responding with an amused shrug.

“I don’t want to see either of you playing on this when I return.” Without another word, Batman moved to the Batmobile and headed out into the night.

Tim let out a sigh of relief and turned back to the computer to shut it down. “Oh great,” he said sullenly. “I can see some pretty grueling workouts in my not so distant future.”

“Oh I wouldn’t worry about it Tim.” Dick spoke lightly. “It’s not that bad. Now when I crashed one of the whirly-bats... that was bad.” The older man cringed at the memory and then flashed a knowing grin to Tim. “You’ll get off with a light sentence... for the bat, that is.” He walked over and placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Tim... my friend... it was nice knowing you, and I’ll always think back on you with fond memories.”

“Oh great,” Tim repeated.

Dick, having decided to stay the night after his own patrol of Gotham and return to Bludhaven the following afternoon, ambled down the hallway to his room a few hours later. Passing the entrance to the Batcave, he could hear the familiar music faintly drifting through the air.

*Dip bah dee dah dee doe doe. Dee bah dih dah doe... Doo Doo Doo...*

The young man groaned, thinking that Tim had once again been sucked back into the Hamster Dance. //Bruce will have his head if he finds him here fooling around so late. What is that boy thinking?//

Deciding to save his friend from impending disaster, Dick descended the dark stairs. All lights had been turned off, and only the glow from the screen illuminated the cave.

When he reached the bottom, Dick had to quickly clasp a hand over his mouth to stifle the laugh threatening to break free. He closed his wide eyes and took several deep breaths to regain control before turning to leave quietly. Though he did not think that the Batcave’s other occupant would notice him anyway.

Before leaving, Dick spared one last glance towards the computer and wished he had a camera. There sat the Dark Knight in full Batman attire, hunched over, and staring at the screen.

*Dip bah dee dah dee doe doe. Dee bah dih dah doe... Doo Doo Doo...*


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