Disclaimer: All characters belong to DC Comics. So you can't blame G'nort on me. I make no profit, so don't sue.

I Can’t Leave a Dog Out on a Night Like This
By Jesse N. Willey

“Uncle Hal, can I have a dog?” Helen asked.

“No,” Hal replied.

“Why not?” Helen asked.

“Yes, why can’t she?” asked Materna.

“Where we live isn’t as much a place as an idea. Can you imagine where he could get to if he ran away?” Hal asked.

“I’d take care of him. PLEASSSSSSSE!” Helen begged.

“You’re always telling her to be more responsible. Having a pet could really help her,” Materna replied.

“Oh... alright,” Hal mumbled.

“You should get something that’s already housebroken,” she said.

It was cold and wet in Central Park. A dog dressed in green shirt and pants sat quietly, trying to get to sleep on a park bench. He wondered how Sax Girl had survived on the streets as long as she did.

“The nights around here smell worse than Guy’s room. I remember the time I went in there look for the ball that Booster threw. It was the only game of fetch I’ve ever played that turned into hide and go seek. No, wait, there was the time on the Manhunter planet... nevermind that. Geez, I’m hungry. Maybe I should see what the good ol’ ring can cook up,” G’nort said staring down at his ring. “Oh yeah, it doesn’t work. Keep forgetting. I’ll just to go the dumpster at the 24 Hour Buffet joint again.”

Kyle Rayner was asleep. He felt a tap on his shoulder. He slowly woke up.

“Jenn... not now...” Kyle said. He looked up and saw a huge glowing green man. “Ahhhh! Hal? What are you doing here?”

“I need to ask for a favor. Helen wants a dog, and I just can’t go to the animal shelter and get one. I was wondering if you could...”

“Hal, it’s midnight and I’ve been drawing for fifteen hours straight. Can’t you bug someone else?” Kyle said. “I’m pretty sure Guy has some free time on his hands.”

“I don’t want my niece anywhere near Guy. I need to find her the perfect dog,” Hal replied. “One that’s loyal, friendly, playful, can do tricks, housebroken...”

*Kyle, this is J’onn. Get to the Jack’s 24 Hour All You Can Eat Buffet at 1698 Broadway. The police say someone with an JLA security badge is causing a scene outside the restaurant.*

“Alright, alright, since I’m already up...”

“Come on sir, I’ve got the four ninety five. Why won’t you let me in!” G’nort yelled.

“Can’t you read!” Jack said.

G’nort looked at the sign for a second.

“No Gods... well, that’s okay. I’m a normal joe like you. Though if my buddy Scott were here, he’d get kinda angry. Funny, I thought they ended segregation in this country years ago. Guess you learn something new everyday,” G’nort said.

“It says no Dogs,” Jack said.

“Its still racist. I refuse to eat here,” G’nort replied.

Kyle watched from the roof. He sighed. Of all the former washed up JLAers who could start a mess like this, why did it have to be the annoying talking dog. Wait a minute... the talking dog? Two birds... one stone. He quickly picked up G’nort in a giant baseball glove. He then began flying up into the clouds.

“Hey G’nort!”

“Who are you?” G’nort asked.

“Um... I forgot. We haven’t actually met. I’m Kyle Rayner, the new Green Lantern.”

“So, you’re the young upstart Ganthet hired once he fired me. What do you want?”

“Ganthet didn’t want to fire you. He only had enough power for one ring, and he needed someone Hal wouldn’t suspect,” Kyle replied. “Now I need your help.”

“Oh so now you’re in over your head in need ol’ Gnort, crème de la crème of the real Green Lantern Corps,” G’nort said. “Forget it.”

Kyle sighed. “I can’t believe I’m going to do this,” he thought to himself.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small flashlight sized object.

“If you take this very important covert super ultra top secret mission for me, I’ll give you this power battery and you will be fully reinstated to the Green Lantern Corps,” Kyle said.


“I’ll be your best friend.”


“I want to be a high ranking member of the Green Lantern Corp.”


“And I want a sandwich.”

“Okay, I’ll make you a sandwich,” Kyle replied.

“So what’s my mission?” G’nort said.

Kyle hesitated for a moment.

“Um... you’re supposed to observe Hal Jordan,” Kyle said.

“Observing a dead guy. Should be easy enough. I’m surprised you needed somebody of my caliber to do this job. I mean, I’m sure Guy would suffice,” G’nort chuckled.

“Hal came back...”

“He did? Ack! Are you trying to get me killed? You’d have to be an idiot to take that mission, and nobody ever said G’nort Esplande G’neeschmacher is an idiot,” G’nort said indignantly. Kyle gave him a stern look. “Okay, you got me. They said it all the time.”

“Hal came back as the spirit of Redemption,” Kyle said. “Only we’re... uh... only certain parties within the JLA are not really sure he’s reformed. So we... um... need somebody who can act as our inside man. Somebody Hal trusts. Someone loyal, friendly, playful, but can do tricks. Somebody who is housetrained gosh darn it.”

“Well, five out of six ain’t bad,” G’nort said.

Kyle flew G’nort over the desert. Once they got a bunch of mysterious looking rocks, they stopped.

“This is it. Good luck, Agent Double O K-9,” Kyle said.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be the best intelligence officer ever,” G’nort said.

“I’m sure you will,” Kyle replied.

G’nort stepped forward and vanished into the light. Kyle turned around.

“That’s the perfect dog?” Hal asked.

“Not really but...”

“Ungh... don’t worry. I’m sure Helen will keep him out of trouble. I hope,” he said. “because I can’t leave a dog out on a night like this.”

“Materna! Materna! Look what Uncle Hal brought me a dog!” Helen screamed.

“Huh? Who are you?” G’nort said.

“A talking dog? Is there anything around here that is normal?” Materna asked.

Hal stepped up behind Materna.

“Everyone, I want you to meet my old friend G’nort. G’nort this is Helen and her teacher Materna,” Hal said. “Welcome home.”

“Home... home of the strange... where the Spectre and Green Lantern play. And seldom is heard, a qwardian word and skies are metaphysically grey...” G’nort said.

“Hal, he’d better be housebroken,” Materna thought.

“Or else you’re going to get it.”

The End?

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