Disclaimer: I don't own anyone I just wrote about. I suppose that's a good thing cause if I did then Catwoman would try and steal my stuff and then Batman would cause large amounts of property damge bringing her in and... I'm getting of topic aren't I? Oh well, I didn't make any money for the story either.
I really have no idea why people are so uncomfortable in these things, malls I mean. I’m in one now and I don’t have a problem. I’m just getting a little last minute shopping done before the big day is upon us. That’s right folks, the big one, the once a year bash, the most wonderful time of the year, you know what I’m talking about... Christmas.
Almost here, I can taste it on my tongue. And now it’s time for to get presents for my nearest and dearest, my cats. I’m getting things for some people I know, but for the last two hours of shopping, the kitties are all that have been on my mind.
I got Sophie a new mouse, and Carlyle a new scratch pad. Stripes and Marcie get catnip balls while the newest addition, Edgar, he got a catnip mouse. Lucky little thing, I almost wish it wasn’t Christmas, so I could pick one of those up for my self.
But no, I can’t be selfish when I’m shopping for my kitties. Maybe now that I’ve got the important stuff picked out I can feel free to indulge myself. After all, it’s Christmas right? Who’s gonna give poor Selina anything. Nobody, that’s who!
Well, maybe someone. Wouldn’t that be the day, when the Big Bad Batman came and gave little old Miss Kyle a Christmas present. There’s a couple of things he’s got I wouldn’t mind getting my paws on if you catch my drift.
Oh well, enough day dreaming, it’s time to get back to my power shopping. This year I think I’m gonna get some prank gifts for Batsy and the gang. I should start with the young ones first.
There’s a new Batgirl, kid’s tough though. I gotta wonder where he finds these kids, I mean, we’ve gotta be on Robin number three or four, and this is Batgirl, the sequel? I should really get into some orphanage records and see if I can solve this mystery. But I’m getting distracted. What would be good for the little pip-squeak. She’s tough, a fighter, a hell of a fighter now that I think about it. I bet’s she’s a real tom-boy. Oh I got it! Batgirl gets a Barbie Doll for Christmas! Oh, and while I’m here, the Boy Wonder, he gets Ken! That way they can play together. Oh I’m too good.
Ok who’s next. Ah yes, Huntress. This one’s easy enough. She gets a copy of “Archery for Dummies.” Not so much of an attack on her archery skills per say. I’m hoping she catches the dummies part.
Hmm... What about the Angel? Azrael? Hmm... Oh I got it, I’m gonna get that little boy some Cologne. Superhero or not, you can tell he’s shy as a six year old girl. I’ll pick him up something that won’t keep the ladies away.
Next up, the Big Boy Wonder. Oh boy Nightwing what I wouldn’t mind giving you this Christmas. But I can’t be doing that, you’ve gotta have a girlfriend holed up somewhere between here and Bludhaven. But I do know a good alternative. You’re a twenty-something year old man, and what twenty-something year old man doesn’t like a classy adult magazine. Something for those cold nights and lonely patrols.
Guess that only leaves on guy left. Big Daddy Bat. He isn’t gonna get a gag present though. No, I have something I know he’ll really like, and no, I’m not talking about THAT. Nah this year I’m gonna get Batman the same thing I give him every year. I’m gonna put off taking my old claws, the ones that have his dried blood on them, down to the lab to get a DNA test. Yup, I’ll keep Batman’s secret a secret for another 365 days. After all, he’s what makes doing what I do so much fun. We’re playing the ultimate game of cat and mouse although neither of us will admit it, and come to think of it, I bet neither of us is really sure who’s the cat and who’s the mouse anymore.
Oh well, I suppose I had better wrap up this little shopping experience before-what is that. Oh my God I had forgotten all about that! The Cat’s Eye diamond series is being sold in Gotham this week. I HAVE to get one. I only wish I could afford it.
But, now that I think about it, if I was actually planning on paying for any of these gifts I would have came here during the day like everyone else. Instead I’m sneaking through the mall at night getting all my last minute shopping done through five finger discount.
Oh well, it’s worth it. After all, I’ve got Batman to try and stop me.