Disclaimer: I don't own anyone I just wrote about. I suppose that's a good thing cause if I did then Catwoman would try and steal my stuff and then Batman would cause large amounts of property damge bringing her in and... I'm getting of topic aren't I? Oh well, I didn't make any money for the story either.


Last Minute Shopper
By The Seitz


I really have no idea why people are so uncomfortable in these things, malls I mean. Iím in one now and I donít have a problem. Iím just getting a little last minute shopping done before the big day is upon us. Thatís right folks, the big one, the once a year bash, the most wonderful time of the year, you know what Iím talking about... Christmas.

Almost here, I can taste it on my tongue. And now itís time for to get presents for my nearest and dearest, my cats. Iím getting things for some people I know, but for the last two hours of shopping, the kitties are all that have been on my mind.

I got Sophie a new mouse, and Carlyle a new scratch pad. Stripes and Marcie get catnip balls while the newest addition, Edgar, he got a catnip mouse. Lucky little thing, I almost wish it wasnít Christmas, so I could pick one of those up for my self.

But no, I canít be selfish when Iím shopping for my kitties. Maybe now that Iíve got the important stuff picked out I can feel free to indulge myself. After all, itís Christmas right? Whoís gonna give poor Selina anything. Nobody, thatís who!

Well, maybe someone. Wouldnít that be the day, when the Big Bad Batman came and gave little old Miss Kyle a Christmas present. Thereís a couple of things heís got I wouldnít mind getting my paws on if you catch my drift.

Oh well, enough day dreaming, itís time to get back to my power shopping. This year I think Iím gonna get some prank gifts for Batsy and the gang. I should start with the young ones first.

Thereís a new Batgirl, kidís tough though. I gotta wonder where he finds these kids, I mean, weíve gotta be on Robin number three or four, and this is Batgirl, the sequel? I should really get into some orphanage records and see if I can solve this mystery. But Iím getting distracted. What would be good for the little pip-squeak. Sheís tough, a fighter, a hell of a fighter now that I think about it. I betís sheís a real tom-boy. Oh I got it! Batgirl gets a Barbie Doll for Christmas! Oh, and while Iím here, the Boy Wonder, he gets Ken! That way they can play together. Oh Iím too good.

Ok whoís next. Ah yes, Huntress. This oneís easy enough. She gets a copy of ďArchery for Dummies.Ē Not so much of an attack on her archery skills per say. Iím hoping she catches the dummies part.

Hmm... What about the Angel? Azrael? Hmm... Oh I got it, Iím gonna get that little boy some Cologne. Superhero or not, you can tell heís shy as a six year old girl. Iíll pick him up something that wonít keep the ladies away.

Next up, the Big Boy Wonder. Oh boy Nightwing what I wouldnít mind giving you this Christmas. But I canít be doing that, youíve gotta have a girlfriend holed up somewhere between here and Bludhaven. But I do know a good alternative. Youíre a twenty-something year old man, and what twenty-something year old man doesnít like a classy adult magazine. Something for those cold nights and lonely patrols.

Guess that only leaves on guy left. Big Daddy Bat. He isnít gonna get a gag present though. No, I have something I know heíll really like, and no, Iím not talking about THAT. Nah this year Iím gonna get Batman the same thing I give him every year. Iím gonna put off taking my old claws, the ones that have his dried blood on them, down to the lab to get a DNA test. Yup, Iíll keep Batmanís secret a secret for another 365 days. After all, heís what makes doing what I do so much fun. Weíre playing the ultimate game of cat and mouse although neither of us will admit it, and come to think of it, I bet neither of us is really sure whoís the cat and whoís the mouse anymore.

Oh well, I suppose I had better wrap up this little shopping experience before-what is that. Oh my God I had forgotten all about that! The Catís Eye diamond series is being sold in Gotham this week. I HAVE to get one. I only wish I could afford it.

But, now that I think about it, if I was actually planning on paying for any of these gifts I would have came here during the day like everyone else. Instead Iím sneaking through the mall at night getting all my last minute shopping done through five finger discount.

Oh well, itís worth it. After all, Iíve got Batman to try and stop me.


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