Rating: PG-13-No bad words, but if you don't the subject of wedgies, I'd advise you to stay away. :)
Disclaimer: Hey, I don't own Batman, Nightwing, or Robin, I just borrowed them!
Archiving: Please!! I have no problems with it. I'll even beg.
Author's Note: I've been lurking here for a good long time, just watching, occassionally posting, but mostly reading. This is my first Bat-family fic, and I really hope you like it. I didn't get a chance to get it beta-read, so expect a few typos to be hiding in there. :P I was debating on adding a little more, but decided it would the ruin the impact of it all and just left it as is.

The Problem With Rubber
by The Karebear

It was a dark and stormy night. Okay, so it wasn't really stormy. I hate to have to go out and patrol when it's raining. The kevlar is just *impossible* to get off after I've been out in the rain as my night time alter-ego, Nightwing. So, I amend the beginning...

It was was a dark night and I was in Gotham City helping Batman and Robin out on a case that they were finding particularly trying. Earlier I had arrived at stately Wayne Manor as Dick Grayson, just fresh from work and still my Bludhaven Police uniform. I didn't want to waste the time going back to my apartment when I knew I could change just as easily when I got to the manor. It was nearing dusk, so I headed down to the cave with Bruce and we both started to change into our nighttime uniforms while we waited for Tim to arrive.

At this point in time it is important to note that Bruce was perfectly fine, or at least as fine as Bruce could be while being the Big Bad Bat.

Tim showed up a few minutes later, perky as always, and suited up quickly. Tim and I shared the normal big brother, little brother slaps and pokes while Bruce just continued his preparation for the night. He knows by know that he can't stop us from our friendly jostling, and that we'll get down to business when we're flying around Gotham.

Finally Bruce was done with his preparations and pulled his cowl forward, instantly becoming the Batman.

"To the Batmobile, Robin!" I crowed. I've always wanted to say that even though Robin no longer rode in the car anymore, but had his own cycle. I remember when I started using the motorcycle back when I was Robin. It was nice to be free.

Tim just rolled his eyes and mounted the RedBird while I readied my own cycle. Batman continued to ignore both Tim and I while he got in the Batmobile and started it's massive engines. Then all three of us shot down the tunnel and out into the night.

4 hours later

Batman and I were standing on top of a small apartment building watching a window about a 1/2 mile away for any sign of movement. Batman shifted slightly beside me and then went back to standing perfectly still. I *almost* ignored it. Almost. But then I realized something. When Batman is on stakeout he does not move. Not even one muscle. I'm not even sure he blinks when he's in stakeout mode. I turned my head to stare at him for a second. He didn't move again so I just shrugged and went back to watching the window. Three minutes later it happened again, he shifted his stance, but this time it was a little more noticeable. I turned to Batman again, but this time stared at him for longer before deciding to speak up.

"Would you stop squirming, you have ants in your pants or something?" Okay, so I'm not known for my originality. I was the one that went around saying things like 'Holy Flying Aces' or weird statements like that. There are times when I'm tempted to disown myself. I can't believe Bruce tolerated me in my younger and terrible pun days. Maybe it was because he had a few bad habits himself. I still don't think Alfred has forgiven him for calling me 'Chum' all the time.

Batman squirmed again slightly before giving a classic dark and grim response. "There's nothing wrong."

I eyed Batman for another second. That split second was long enough for him to squirm yet again. "Bull, there's something wrong. You do not squirm around like that. It's kind of like me all the sudden not being about to do even a simple somersault in the air."

He just continued staring at the window and didn't answer me. I eyed him for another second before talking again.

"You have a wedgie don't you?"

Again Bats didn't answer and pointedly ignored me when I tried to step in front of him to look him in the eye.

"You do have a wedgie!" I practically crowed it. "I told you not to go with the rubber on top of the kevlar. I told you it would be uncomfortable, but no, you had to ignore me, the man of experience with rubber and wear it anyway. Now you have to pay the ultimate price."

Bats finally turned to look at me. I could tell now that he was extremely uncomfortable. I hadn't been able to clearly see it before from the odd angle. When he spoke it was slightly muffled and I realized it was because he had his teeth tightly clenched together. "I. Am. Fine."

I couldn't help it. I lost it right then and there and started laughing my butt off. Batman just stood above me and stared downward. It made me laugh harder. Ten minutes later when I finally got my breath back I looked back up at where Bats was back to watching the window again. I found my voice once again. "You're allowed to get rid of it you know."

The only response I got was "I know."

"So why don't you?"

"I don't feel like it."

"Bull, you're about ready to crawl out of the uniform screaming and you know it."

"I am perfectly content to continue on as is."

Our bantering continued back and forth for several minutes before Robin appeared on the ledge after accomplishing whatever project he had to do for Big Black and Bad. I couldn't resist letting out the joyous news.

"Batman's new rubber suit gave him a wedgie."

Tim just stood there, yellow cape billowing in the breeze, with an odd look on his face. After a full 60 seconds, I counted it, he bust into gales of laughter. During infrequent stops in the laughter he managed to force out some words. "I... *told*... him not to... go with the rubber..."

Back To The DC Page