-Rea

"Hey, why the sour look, Rob?"

Startled from his reverie of self-pity, Robin looked up from his cooling cappuccino and gave a heavy sigh. "Planning out my will, Kid, planning out my will."

"On Christmas eve? As if. This is a time for food, fun, friends and of course..." Superboy held up a tiny plant, "mistletoe! I'm seriously lovin' this holiday, Rob."

"Great. Glad to hear someone is."

Seeing his good cheer was not rubbing off on the Boy Wonder, Kon took a seat across from Robin and propped his feet on the table. "Okay, I'll bite. What's got your cape in a bunch, this time?"

"My family."

Kon fiddled with his mistletoe, humming 'I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause' under his breath. Robin frowned irritably. "If you don't want to hear this, that's fine Kon. Don't feign interest or anything."

Superboy stopped his singing. "Huh? Oh, right. Listening time." He gave a thumbs up. "Gotcha."

Robin studied his exaggerated pose of concentration and sighed forlornly. "Well, it's like this. My family has no sense of Christmas cheer. I have been trying, unsuccessfully, for the past three weeks to bestow Batman, Nightwing and Oracle with a little holiday spirit. So far, I have bombed out miserably. I'm just getting myself into trouble. Right now I'm in some deep eggnog with Batman."

"Eggnog?" Kon snickered. "You sure have a way with words."

"I didn't feel it was appropriate to swear." Robin said defensively, feeling a blush creeping over his cheeks. "Besides, that's part of what got me into trouble."

"Swearing?"

"No! Eggnog!" Robin folded his arms and dropped his head onto them. His voice was muffled. "I thought he needed to loosen up a bit, so I um, swiped some rum from the liquor cabinet upstairs, and, uh..."

"You spiked Batman's eggnog?" Robin winced as Kon threw his head back and laughed. "Oh man, Rob, what happened?"

"I hadn't realized just how much he liked eggnog. He took a whole thermos full, the thermos I'd spiked." Robin groaned. "Well, he met up with Catwoman sometime that night. See, he sorta likes her and it turns out she likes eggnog too. So um..."

"Oh man, you got Batman smashed? What was he doing, reading her love poetry? Groping her? Oh god Rob, were they making out?"

"Not exactly." Robin shuddered. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does!" Kon tossed the mistletoe aside and leaned forward, blue eyes dancing. "Come on! You started the story now you gotta finish it!"

"You won't tell anyone? Kon, if this gets out I'll be more than dead! He will rip out my vocal cords, disembowel me and use my entrails to hang the JLA flag!"

"Yeah, yeah." Kon held a hand over his heart. "Scout's honour."

Robin took a deep breath. "He was singing to her."

"Singing?"

"Yep. And dancing."

"Batman dances?"

"Not usually. Just when he's plastered."

"So what was he singing?"

Robin shuddered at the memory. "He was waltzing to 'all I want for Christmas.'

"What song's that?" Kon stared blankly. "Is that a Christmas carol?"

"You know this one. All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth?" Robin sang, his voice echoing piteously off the walls of the YJ HQ. "It was terrifying. Especially with Catwoman doing the back up vocals. Have you ever heard a drunk cat meow?" He shuddered again. "I'll have nightmares for ages."

"HA HAHAHAH!" Kon-el apparently saw more mirth than terror in the predicament as he rolled on the ground, tears streaming down his face. "Oh GOD, rob! That's priceless! I wish I coulda been there! Oh man! Batman singing! And waltzing? Man oh man!"

"It's not funny! He's so angry with me!" Robin threw up his hands in despair. "I can't go home because he's there, in a foul mood because of the hang-over! I've ruined Christmas, Kid. Completely and utterly destroyed it. What am I gonna do?"

Wiping tears from his face, Kon grinned. "Hey, you could always put Christmas lights on the batmobile! Everyone loves Christmas lights. Heck, that always puts Supes in a good mood. He totally forgave me for hitting on Lois when I ran a string of lights around their windows and put a 'Merry Christmas' sign in the window."

Robin sighed and dropped his head back into his arms. "Actually Kid, I already did that."

"And he's still mad?"

"Does being chased around the Batcave with Batman using a string of lights as a whip sound happy to you?"

Kon's grin faded. "No.That sounds like grounds for changing your name and registering in the hero relocation plan."

"Exactly. No one touches his car. No one but an addled brained Boy Wonder with a death wish!"

Patting his friend's arm comfortingly, Kon gave his last bit of advice. "Hey man, at least you didn't try anything with the mistletoe."

Robin whimpered.

"You used mistletoe?"

"Yep."

"Who'd he kiss?"

"Our butler."

"A guy?"

*whimper*

"I'm sorta scared to ask how that happened."

"The spiked eggnog disaster had a final run at home." Robin slowly beat his head against the table. "Let's just say Batman, eggnog, mistletoe and blown light fuses don't mix. That's when I decided to make my escape to Happy Harbour. Gotham just didn't seem safe anymore."

"When you screw up Rob, you really go all the way don't you?"

"Things couldn't possibly get any worse."

"Hey Robin!" Bart Allen picked that moment to race into the room. "Guess what? Batman's here to pick you up! Says it's Christmas eve and you're late for the tree decorating."

"Oh my god..." Robin went ashen and wobbled. "It just got worse."

Kon saluted his friend. "It was nice knowing you Rob."

"I'm going to need a miracle to get out of this one."

Getting shakily to his feet, Robin slowly walked down the halls of the YJ HQ to meet his fate. Batman stood at the end of the tunnel, a dark silhouette of doom and destruction. The cape crusader crossed his arms in front, face set in stone.

"Robin."

"Yes?" Robin squeaked.

"Do you know what time it is?"

Robin glanced at his watch. "Seven thirty."

"Seven thirty." Batman confirmed. "What do we do at seven thirty on this day every year?"

"Um, put up the Christmas tree?"

"Exactly. Where were you?"

Robin hung his head. "Making my will."

"Your will? Why are you making a will on Christmas eve?"

"I figured I better have one for when you decide to end my existence."

"End your existence? For what?"

Robin's brow knit together. He held up his hand, checking his misdemeanours off on his fingers. "Well, for the eggnog, and the mistletoe and the lights on the batmobile..."

Batman suddenly tossed his head back and laughed. Terrified, Robin searched for something to hide behind. "Robin, I'm not angry. Anymore."

"You're... you're not?"

"Heck no. Nightwing used to pull stunts like this every Christmas. It's rather nice to see you carrying on the tradition of mischief and mayhem." Batman placed an arm around Robin's shoulders. "My life would be fairly dull without my boys."

As the two trotted out to the car, Robin gazed at his mentor in wonderment. "Then, I'm forgiven?"

"Of course. I couldn't very well stay angry on Christmas eve, could I?" Batman flashed one of his rare grins. "Did I ever tell you about the time..."

As Batman started a lengthy, but humorous tales of Christmases long past, Robin sat in the passenger seat, trying to figure out he'd gotten off so lucky. Maybe miracles really did happen at Christmas. But little did the Boy Wonder know that at home waiting for him was a less forgiving Alfred, sprinkling sneezing powder on all of Robin's sugar cookies.

(Hey there can only be one miracle per Christmas, ya know!)

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Back To The DC Page