Iím in! I canít believe I actually got in!
But thatís only half of the story. Now Iíve got to be sure I can cover my tracks or lead my trail in a deceitful direction. If I donít, Oracle will be sure to find out and then my computer usage will be restricted to Microsoft Word only. No more surfing the web and Internet dating for me! Man, that would be a bummer!
It would be a total waste if months of planning were to be discovered over a foolish entry command or typo. By carefully watching, memorizing, decoding, and lurking about, Iíve finally established and worked up enough nerve to access through Oracleís systems. With visions of valor and glory, I sit here poised to assist the superhero worldís main informant.
So if Iím on the side of good and not evil, why be so secretive? Bruce. You see, Bruce wonít let me help. Oh, he tries to make me feel useful and gives me ďimportantĒ jobs to carry through. But come on! Alphabetizing all of the ďBatĒ files? (I swear he purposefully gets all of them out of order at least twice a week.) Deleting his ďjunk mailĒ and making sure Dick has not sent him an email that Alfred would label uncivilized? (Yeah, the last one was of an old man mooning the screen.) Oh! As if helping Tim complete his physics homework is a blast, as well! Give me a break, people! Iím bored to tears... and thatís on a good day.
Sitting in the cave with nothing to do but float around and stare at the slumbering bats while everybody else is living it up on the outside is not a real life. Hmm... lest I forget that I donít have a life anymore... Thatís right. You heard me. I donít have a life. Iím dead. Been dead for almost four years now. Just another ghost with a sob story. Poor Jason Todd. Life ended tragically short... yada, yada, yada.
I was a wanna be superhero, who never could be. But itís time to change that image. Iíve been lurking in the shadows too long. When I granted Bruce knowledge of my existence, I realized that he would never let me back in the loop... even if I was only a spirit and could not get hurt. The big guy had lost me once and was not planning on losing me again. Makes me wonder how heíll react when I decide itís time to mosey on to the other side...
Well, Iím not paid to dwell on such thoughts. (Always have been a sporadic thinker.) I just want to feel useful. I want to have a place in my family circle and fit in for once! Everybodyís a superhero! Bruce, Dick... Okay, Iíll even admit that the new guy is pretty darn good. Timís actually ten times better than I could have ever dreamed of being.
Of course, thereís Alfred. Alfredís got to be a meta-human! Look at all the stuff he can accomplish in one day that most people would take twenty years to complete! That makes old Alfie a hero in my book!
Then Oracle... sheís amazing too! No wonder Dick canít keep his mind off of her! Barbara works hard to do what she does. It pays off too! Superheroes from all corners of the globe call her for vital information. But like everyone else in our close-knit family, Barbara is human and can only do so much. Thatís when it occurred to me... Oracle needs a sidekick!
But as Iíve stated before, no one would be willing to let a goof-up like me help out. No, I would end up nuking somebody and starting WWIII. So I had to sneak my way into the picture. Ah well, I guess geniuses are never appreciated in their own time!
Since Iíve discovered a way to hack myself into Oracleís world, Iíve decided to chronicle my heroic adventures as the Great Informantís trusty sidekick... drum roll please... The Hacker! No applause please! Iím only doing my duty.
But in these files lies the stories of the brave heroes found fighting against the criminal element armed with a screensaver and a keyboard!
To be continued in The Hacker Files...
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