WOW!

But that’s only half of the story. Now I’ve got to be sure I can cover my tracks or lead my trail in a deceitful direction. If I don’t, Oracle will be sure to find out and then my computer usage will be restricted to Microsoft Word only. No more surfing the web and Internet dating for me! Man, that would be a bummer!

It would be a total waste if months of planning were to be discovered over a foolish entry command or typo. By carefully watching, memorizing, decoding, and lurking about, I’ve finally established and worked up enough nerve to access through Oracle’s systems. With visions of valor and glory, I sit here poised to assist the superhero world’s main informant.

So if I’m on the side of good and not evil, why be so secretive? Bruce. You see, Bruce won’t let me help. Oh, he tries to make me feel useful and gives me “important” jobs to carry through. But come on! Alphabetizing all of the “Bat” files? (I swear he purposefully gets all of them out of order at least twice a week.) Deleting his “junk mail” and making sure Dick has not sent him an email that Alfred would label uncivilized? (Yeah, the last one was of an old man mooning the screen.) Oh! As if helping Tim complete his physics homework is a blast, as well! Give me a break, people! I’m bored to tears... and that’s on a good day.

Sitting in the cave with nothing to do but float around and stare at the slumbering bats while everybody else is living it up on the outside is not a real life. Hmm... lest I forget that I don’t have a life anymore... That’s right. You heard me. I don’t have a life. I’m dead. Been dead for almost four years now. Just another ghost with a sob story. Poor Jason Todd. Life ended tragically short... yada, yada, yada.

I was a wanna be superhero, who never could be. But it’s time to change that image. I’ve been lurking in the shadows too long. When I granted Bruce knowledge of my existence, I realized that he would never let me back in the loop... even if I was only a spirit and could not get hurt. The big guy had lost me once and was not planning on losing me again. Makes me wonder how he’ll react when I decide it’s time to mosey on to the other side...

Well, I’m not paid to dwell on such thoughts. (Always have been a sporadic thinker.) I just want to feel useful. I want to have a place in my family circle and fit in for once! Everybody’s a superhero! Bruce, Dick... Okay, I’ll even admit that the new guy is pretty darn good. Tim’s actually ten times better than I could have ever dreamed of being.

Of course, there’s Alfred. Alfred’s got to be a meta-human! Look at all the stuff he can accomplish in one day that most people would take twenty years to complete! That makes old Alfie a hero in my book!

Then Oracle... she’s amazing too! No wonder Dick can’t keep his mind off of her! Barbara works hard to do what she does. It pays off too! Superheroes from all corners of the globe call her for vital information. But like everyone else in our close-knit family, Barbara is human and can only do so much. That’s when it occurred to me... Oracle needs a sidekick!

But as I’ve stated before, no one would be willing to let a goof-up like me help out. No, I would end up nuking somebody and starting WWIII. So I had to sneak my way into the picture. Ah well, I guess geniuses are never appreciated in their own time!

Since I’ve discovered a way to hack myself into Oracle’s world, I’ve decided to chronicle my heroic adventures as the Great Informant’s trusty sidekick... drum roll please... The Hacker! No applause please! I’m only doing my duty.

But in these files lies the stories of the brave heroes found fighting against the criminal element armed with a screensaver and a keyboard!

To be continued in The Hacker Files...

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