Flagrant Disregard for Continuity Note: If you're just joining us, about half of our heroes are out looking for the other half, who went missing sometime after part 13. They're slow, but I love 'em anyway. Not that it's gonna matter much HERE, but this story takes place between ACTION COMICS #773 and SUPERMAN v.2 #165, which would be sometime following the events of Episode #13 of the Tenchi Muyo! OAV.

Message to whoever's running next year's CBFFA's: Sixteen parts and counting. I'd like to suggest "Biggest Crossover" as a category for the 2002 awards. Wait, don't hang up--! Hello? Hello?

Original Tenchi Muyo! concept by Masaki Kajishima and Hiroki Hayashi
Superman created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster

Her name was Sasami Kawai and everything was perfect. The puffy white clouds in the sky, the green grass on the ground, the birds chirping in the air, all of it was pristine. The world was at peace with itself.

"Great Caesar's Ghost! Where are my corn flakes?! Why, if I don't get a bowl in just TWO seconds--!"

"Jeepers! Sorry, Mr. White! Here you go..."

"Olsen, how you continue to stay employed at this establishment is one of the great mysteries of life. And it's CHIEF White to you, young man!"

"Of course, Mr. Whi--I mean Chief. Sure!"

Well, maybe it was better to say the world was at a cease-fire. Of course, she'd have been more worried if grumpy old Police Chief White hadn't been there, sitting out in the patio of Planet Krypton's demanding his usual bowl of cereal at three-thirty p.m. on the dot. Those little idiosyncrasies were what made the Earth so beautiful, and it reminded her just how important its safety was.

She skipped along the sidewalk past the restaurant and felt the minuscule weight of her backpack bouncing up and down on the small of her back. It was a wonderful feeling, the physical manifestation of having almost no homework for the day. For once, she'd have plenty of time to devote to her extracurricular activities.

It hadn't always been like this, of course. Time was the city had been constantly under siege by an assortment of colorful criminals. The Giggler, Doom-Doom Deidre, The Great Gordon, and of course that other fellow... she couldn't quite recall his name... 'the Legionnaire', maybe. Anyway, those trying times had all become ancient history. Everything was under control, and everything was the way it was supposed to be.

As she turned the corner to arrive at the front door of 344 Masaki Road, she found a familiar old station wagon rolling up to the mailbox to drop off the paper. "Ms. Makibi, Hi!" Sasami shouted as she approached the car. "So how are things in the newspaper business?"

"Oh, they're doing all right, I suppose," the green-haired woman in the driver's seat replied. She pulled the paper from the mailbox and handed it to her. "I just wish we could increase circulation so I could afford to hire some more people. It's pretty rough editing AND delivering these things every single day. Nature of the beast, I guess."

Sasami nodded and skipped off to take the paper into the house as Makibi drove off to her next stop. It was kind of a shame that her journalistic skills weren't given their due, but it was heartening that Makibi kept at it the way she did. She opened the screen door to her house and bounded inside to meet her sister waiting for her in the foyer. What Makibi was to the newspaper business, Ayeka was to fretting.

"Oh, Sasami!" the older girl said with a sigh of relief. "When you didn't come home fifteen minutes ago, I was afraid you might have tripped and hurt yourself on the way back from school!"

"I took the long way, Ayeka!" Sasami said, rolling her eyes. "It's a beautiful day out."

"It is?" she asked. "I'm afraid I hadn't noticed. I'd spent all day making--" there was a ring from the kitchen and she turned around to respond. "Oh, it's ready!" she exclaimed, dashing for the interior of the house. Sasami ran after her to see what the excitement was about, and found her sister pulling a sheet out of the oven.

"Sasami, be a dear and bring these cookies upstairs to your friends," Ayeka asked as she laid the sheet on the counter and started scraping them onto a plate. "They've been so busy today that I'm not even sure if they've eaten."

Sasami took the plate from her older sister and shook her head, sending her ponytails rocking back and forth. "Aw, Ayeka, you worry too much. I'm sure they're just working on some new experiment for the university."

"Yes, I suppose you're right," Ayeka agreed. "Such upstanding responsible young people. You'd do well to take after them, Sasami. Not like that dreadful costumed menace, the Indigo Wonder..."

"Yeah, I know..." Sasami sighed, heading upstairs to the guest room that they had rented out a few months back. It had been the start of a very good friendship between the two of them and their new housemates, and the start of a wonderful new life for herself in particular.

"I thought I smelled cookies!" a deep voice exclaimed as the door opened up from the inside. "Sasami, how nice to see you this afternoon!"

She giggled at the tall man's jubilation at the sight of the platter. "There's no fooling your nose, huh, Supe?"

Supe R. Mann took the tray from her hands and motioned her into the room. "Come in, come in!" he invited. "I have to be extra observant when your sister's fine cooking is at stake!" He bit into the top cookie on the pile. "Delishosh! Profeffor, wouldjoo like one?"

"Is the numerical representation of pi a non-terminating, non-repeating decimal?" Washuu asked rhetorically. "But my share will have to wait, I'm afraid. Sasami, it's a good thing you're here. It seems that we've got a situation on our hands.

Washuu took hold of a bust of Shakespeare and pulled the head off its shoulders. Pressing a button inside, the entire room began to shift and change. The couch flipped behind a wall and was replaced with a sophisticated computer. A bookshelf suddenly disappeared into a trap door, only for a lab bench labeled "Crime Lab" to emerge in it's place. Finally, a file cabinet rattled and the top drawer flew open, and a familiar creature leaped out of it and into Sasami's arms.

"Hiya, Eye-Doubya!" she said once she was safely in her hands. "Looks like it's about that time, huh?"

"Mm-hmm! Looks like." Sasami concurred.

Supe activated a veiwscreen and pointed to the image that appeared. "As you know, Sasami, your arch-nemesis and all around bad egg, the Queen Bee, escaped from prison a few weeks back. Her whereabouts, as well as those of her right hand worker, Bee-lushi, are still unknown." The viewscreen showed a mug shot of the notorious Queen Bee, helpfully offering a hand gesture to the camera.

"HOWEVER!" Washuu broke in. "We just received a ransom notice from Police Headquarters. It seems that the mayor was kidnapped just hours ago, and unless they get five hundred thousand dollars by tonight, they say that they'll do unspeakable things to him!"

"Great shades of azure!" Sasami exclaimed. "We have to stop her and save the mayor!"

"Indeed," Supe said. "That's why I've already taken the liberty of running the ransom note through our Automatic Clue Detection and Interpretation Machine! It didn't take a brainaic to see that the letters used on the note were cut and pasted from magazine articles, and an analysis matched the fonts and printing styles to fourteen various publications all dealing with women's fashion, cosmetics, and bringing out the animal in your man! ...And dirtbikes," he added hastily, "but I may have miscalibrated the Interpreter this morning. Nevertheless, a quick search on Washuu's 'inter-computer network' revealed that only one address had been subscribed to all fourteen magazines since the Queen Bee escaped! An old Ordster factory in the Abandoned Warehouse district on Michelinie Street!"

"Nice work, Supe!" the creature in Sasami's arms complimented. "Guess we oughta bee getting over there right now, huh?"

"Aren't we forgetting something, Ryo-Oh-Ki?" Washuu asked, pulling a cigar case from her lab coat. "You two won't get very far until you eat one of my super-vitamized, locked-in-flavorized, modern des-ionized super carrots!"

"Oh yeah!" Ryo-Oh-Ki chuckled. "I knew there was a reason I loved this job." She jumped out of Sasami's arms and stood at Washuu's feet, eagerly awaiting the fabled carrot.

"Here you go," Washuu said, pulling two carrots from the cigar case and handing one to Ryo-Oh-Ki and one to Sasami. At once they began to chomp on the orange vegetables, and when they were done, they each crackled with energy.

Sasami swallowed the last bite and felt the familiar metabolic shift take effect. Due to a unique metahuman "x-factor" in her genes, she was the only living being who could withstand the awesome power of Washuu's super carrots. Gone, gone was the form of the little schoolgirl Sasami, and in her stead was--

"Indigo Wonder Tsunami:S!" she cried out, her voice now matured to match her fully grown body. It was strange at first, adjusting to being so much taller this way, not to mention possessing all the other powers of the Indigo Wonder, but over time, she was finding the transition becoming easier. She looked down at herself, and found everything as it should be. Her dark blue Knee-length Boots of Righteous Determination, the Blue Gloves of Fair Play and Stick-to-it-iveness, the Blue Skirt of Superheroic Fashion Sense, the Lightning Sword of Freedom, held in place within the Scabbard of Eternal Vigilance, and of course, the pentagonal "S" shield on the front of her Battle Vest of Battle. "Sufferin' Sapphires! Looks like your carrots are just as powerful as before, Professor!"

"Naturally," Washuu agreed. "It's all in the exothermic redistribution of the biochemical matrix fields."

Tsunami looked to her side and saw Ryo-Oh-Ki completing her change as well. She was an artificial construct, designed by Washuu to use the super carrots as an efficient source of fuel, until they discovered that Sasami could utilize the same power as well. Since then, the two of them had become partners in the war against crime, as Ryo-Oh-Ki became--

"Versatile Mobile Cabbit:R!" she shouted, now adopting the form of a little girl, decked out in a green jumpsuit and yellow cape. "Now let's go find that Queen Bee, IW, and put some ointment on that hive! Ya get it? Ointment? Hives? Because she's the Queen Bee?"

"I get it, Mobile Cabbit," Tsunami sighed.

Supe pulled a lever on a control panel and the wall of the room began to move up, exposing the room to the outdoors. "Ready for takeoff, Colorful Crusaders! And good luck!"

"Thanks," Tsunami replied, giving him the thumbs up. "Mobile Cabbit! Transform... and roll out!"

"Aye-aye, I.W.!" She cheered, altering the shape and size of her body with a series of clicks and whirs until she had become a replica of a 1987 Dodge Ares. "Like I always say," she added, floating off the floor and propelling out the aperture in a blast of rocket fire, "If you're gonna ride, ride in style! Right, I.W.? I.W.?"

She turned around to find Tsunami still waiting in the building. "After I get in, Mobile Cabbit...?" Tsunami suggested impatiently.

"Heh... oh yeah. Sorry," she said nervously, descending back to the house and opening the driver's side door for her partner.

Tsunami shook her head as she entered the car and took her seat. Mobile Cabbit was a good friend and a valued ally in the never-ending battle for truth and justice, but she had to wonder if there could be anyone even MORE scatterbrained in this old world...

"Um... Your Majesty? I think it happened again."

The Queen Bee clasped her hand to her forehead and drug it down her face in frustration. "This is the third time this week, Worker! And it's only Tuesday! Well, give me your hand then..."

She propped her foot on her henchman's knee and grabbed one of her arms in both hands, then pulled with all her might. At last, her subject was free from the couch, but not without a price.

"Ohhhh... my stinger got stuck in the cushion!" Bee-lushi whined, trying to get a look at the seat of her costume to see if any fabric had been ripped out along with it.

"Yeah, well T.S.," The Queen Bee snarled. "Maybe now you'll think before you just plant your butt wherever you feel like. You know, if you were a real bee, you'd be dead in a few minutes. Honestly, where do I FIND these people?"

"You'll never get away with this, Ryoko!" she heard a voice call out from the shadows. "When I get out of here I'll see to it you're prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law!"

She smiled and turned to the source of the idle threats. "Ah... but that would imply that you ever WILL escape to return to the comfort of your big comfortable office, Mr. Mayor." She turned on a desk lamp and pointed it to her prisoner. "Or, since you seem to like being informal at the moment, maybe I should call you Tenchi, hmmm?"

The mayor squinted at the sudden brightness, and he struggled against the ropes holding him in his chair. "But the ransom...? Of course! You never had any intention of letting me go, did you?"

"Nope. The note was just to see how much money I could squeeze out of this town while I carried out my TRUE intentions, Your Honor." She walked to the chair and leaned over the back of it, stroking the ends of his elegant black mustache. "But let me introduce you to the rest of my gang first. Bee-lushi?"

The blonde-headed worker snapped to attention and then rushed out a door leading to some other room. After a few seconds, she emerged with a quartet of disheveled-looking men decked out in black sweatpants and yellow and black striped T-shirts. Like Ryoko and Bee-Lushi, each was equipped with his own set of springy antenna with puffy yellow balls dangling from the ends.

"You see, Tenchi," she explained, absent-mindedly tracing circles on his chest with her finger, "I'm more than just a vampy insect themed supervillainess. Much more. The skin-tight yellow and black vinyl suit, the fishnet stockings... you wear them long enough and it kind of hits you one day. We're all alone in this cold universe. Each of us wants to have that special someone to be with when they carry out their next diabolical scheme. I'm sure you can understand what I'm talking about."

He squirmed in his chair and widened his eyes. "This is highly irregular..."

"But where could I go to find that special someone? Have you SEEN the kind of people in supervillain circles? Vultureboy, the Unliftable Tubbb, Mr. Personality, Dr. Scar. Maybe those losers are good enough for some other villainess, but I demand something higher up on the chain. Then I thought of bees. And that's how I invented my special mating pollen!"

She walked over to a desk and picked up a bottle of yellow powder. "One whiff, and the fellas can't refuse! Anything, I mean. Of course, I spent some time testing it on people, which is how I assembled this little gang you see here. Amagasake?"

The first man came forward and bowed slightly. "I found this guy trying to sneak into a local toughman competition show. I didn't think anyone would miss him much."

"Hey, look forward to workin' with ya," he said to Tenchi, cracking his fingers loudly.

"Noboyuki here, I just snagged him at random from a crowded subway."

"Foot massage, milady?" he asked penitently.

"Maybe later," she replied. "Third, we have Kagato, whom I found in a Las Vegas men's room at an American Chemical Society convention."

"Oh, how deLIGHTful," he said to Tenchi with a twinkle in his eye.

"Sheesh," the Bee muttered. "And lastly, Mike. We nabbed him while he was wandering aimlessly in a Barnes & Noble somewhere."

"Hey, how's it goin'?" Mike mumbled quickly.

"Now, the upside to these guys is that they make a fairly decent gang as far as lifting heavy stuff I want to steal. In terms of more... ah... extracurricular activities... well, frankly they're all nerds."

"Oh, HERE we go," Amagasake groaned.

"Bah!" Kagato spat. "If taping episodes of Red Dwarf and running them backwards to find secret messages makes me a nerd, then I might as well become some brain-addled drone!"

"Dude..." Mike replied.

"No, I think she's got a point, guys," Noboyuki said, trying to calm them down. "After all, none of us is a successful politician like Tenchi here. We can only hope that he can show us how to be better goons in service of the queen."

The others nodded solemnly in agreement.

"What are they talking about?" Tenchi demanded.

"Isn't it obvious?" the Bee asked. "I've perfected my mating pollen, and created a group of drones to do my work. Now I want one more to be my SPECIAL drone. And in between your... duties... I can always put your influence to good use, and run the whole city using you like my own personal marionette! Ahhh-hahahahahahahaahahahahaha!" she laughed.

"Haahahahahahaaahahahahaah!" the four drones laughed.

"Hee hee hee hee! Uhhhh, I don't get it. What's so funny?" Bee-Lushi asked innocently.

"She hasn't let me sleep in days," Mike answered. "Everything is funny at this point."

Tenchi continued to fidget in his chair, desperately working to free himself from his bonds. "You'll never get away with this, Bee! Somehow, some way, the Darling Duo will find you and put a stop to your plans!"

"Hah! And how are they gonna do that?" Ryoko challenged.

"Actually, with their special computers and equipment," Bee-lushi interrupted, "I figured that as long as I used clippings from magazines we subscribed to, then they'd be hot on our trail any time now!"

Everyone stared at her in utter amazement.

"You cut up my Dirtbike collection?" Amagasake asked in horror.

"And Redbook?!" Kagato added.

"In order to make it EASIER for them to find us?!" Ryoko yelled.

"Well, ah, it seemed to... move the story along?" Bee-Lushi suggested.

As if on cue, one of the walls smashed apart, sending dust and debris flying across the room. When it settled, the Bee gang looked up and found the very object of the discussion, as their hated foe quickly emerged from her vehicle.

"Indigo Wonder Tsunami:S!" the four drones cried in unison.

"Aw, crap!" Noboyuki sulked.

"The jig is up, Queen Bee!" Tsunami shouted. "Versatile Mobile Cabbit:R! Transform into Kung-Fu Style! Operation: Interference!"

At once Mobile Cabbit shifted in shape and size from her car form into an adult female in a green martial arts uniform. "Oh, YEAH! It's on now, suckas!"

"You're no match for my hive!" The Queen Bee shouted. "Destroy them!"

"Are you on CRACK?" Mike asked. "She was a freakin' CAR a second ago! And now she's got karate power or something? What the hell are WE supposed to do? Whack her with these stupid antenna?"

"Aw, don't worry!" Mobile Cabbit quipped, grabbing Mike by the shirt and knocking his legs out from under him with a kick. "You've won a free trip!" She then took him in her arms and threw him over her head through a glass window pane and out over the horizon. "Have a nice fall!"

"I regret nothiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnng!" Mike screamed as he went flying into the distance.

"Buck up, gang!" Amagasake said to rally the troops. "I'm sure that as long as we keep attacking one at a time, we'll wear 'em out sooner or later!" He slipped behind Tsunami and locked her into a full nelson, wrapping his arms under her armpits and clasping his fat fingers down on the base of her neck. "Yeah! Leverage RULES!"

"Impressive..." Tsunami noted, trying to struggle free of his grip. "But you seem to have forgotten the counter to that particular hold..." she reached her finger to her mouth and moistened the end, then stuck it into his ear. "The Wet Willy!"

Taken off guard by the playground tactic, Amagasake released the hold to dry out his ear, only to be met with a gloved fist in his face for his trouble. "Two down, partner," Tsunami cheered. "Let's see about making it three!" She turned to Kagato to strike him down next.

"Not the face! Not the face!" he whimpered.

Tsunami shrugged and lowered the aim of her fist to give him a shot to the gut. "No! Not there!" Kagato pleaded. "I have a very sensitive stomach!"

"Um... why don't you just lie down quietly until the police arrive, then?" Tsunami offered.

"Well... a-all right," Kagato sniffled, taking a seat on the floor and lying back as if he were unconscious.

"Four's a crowd!" Mobile Cabbit added, changing her left hand into a giant vice and ensnaring Noboyuki in it before he could flee. "But I'm sure we can squeeze ya in? Get it?"

"Uh, no," Noboyuki replied. "But I give up anyway."

"I TOLD you you wouldn't get away with this," Tenchi smirked.

"Yeah, and I told you those guys weren't even worth the effort of testing my pollen," the Queen Bee retorted. "Well, I'm screwed. Bee-Lushi, why don't you do something desperate, foul up, and fall flat on your face, and we can call this a wrap?"

"Wait!" the worker bee objected. "We haven't seen Indigo Wonder use her magic Lightning Sword of Freedom!"

"Uh... yeah?" the Queen Bee said. "So?"

"SO, she has to use it! It wouldn't be a complete adventure if she didn't!"

"The kids do like the sword, I.W.," Mobile Cabbit added. "Come on, just for posterity's sake."

Tsunami wavered for a moment, her hand poised over the hilt of her weapon as if waiting for the right moment. "I--I can't," she said. "It might be dangerous... I..."

Without warning, she was suddenly awash in energy, and when it dispersed, she was a child again, back in her normal play clothes. "Washuu's carrot! Its power must have worn off!"

"Sasami?" Bee-Lushi asked. "That's your secret identity? But how did I know your name...?"

"And Washuu..." the Queen Bee mused. "I feel like I've heard that name before... just who are you, anyway, kid?"

"No... no!" Sasami shouted. "I have to get out of here! Find Washuu and Supe!Something's gone wrong!" And the little girl raced out the hole in the wall and out of sight.

"Supe?" the Queen Bee asked. "Who in... of COURSE!"

"What is it, your majesty? I'm still not following," Bee-Lushi asked.

She took her by the arms and shook her. "Don't you get it, Mihoshi! I'm Ryoko! That was Sasami! And her," she stopped to point at Mobile Cabbit, and reached out with her mind to the furry humanoid.

"Hey, what're you doin'?" Mobile Cabbit demanded. She closed her eyes under Ryoko's glare, and shook her head as if coming out of a trance. "Ry...oko? What happened? And why am I wearing clothes?"

"Good to have you back, pal," Ryoko smiled. "Don't you remember now, Mihoshi? The five of us got broadsided by that jerk Legion! He must have done this to us, whatever 'this' is... and now Sasami's gone to find someone named Supe! As in 'Superman'?"

"We're dreaming..."

"What?" Ryoko asked.

"This is a dream," Mihoshi said softly. "It seems real, and we're all sharing it somehow, but it can't be real. I can understand what Ryo-Oh-Ki is saying, and somehow I knew that Sasami's sword was important for some reason. And now it's like you just you broke the illusion. One minute we were all characters in a TV show, and now we're turning off the set to do something else. Something's affecting our minds. It has to be."

"Ohhh...kayyy. I don't know how the hell you pieced all that together, but I don't care," Ryoko said. "How do we wake up, Sherlock?"

"Well, we already have. Sort of," Mihoshi guessed. "I mean, it's like we're all inside each other's fantasies. I always dream about all of us being together in Tenchi's house like good friends. And that must be what brought all of us together just now. And confronted with that, we had to accept that we weren't who we thought we were." She smiled proudly. "Yeah, that makes sense!"

"OK, so that covers you," Ryoko agreed. "So what's my innermost desire?"

"Your Highness?" Kagato called from the floor. "Should I let the prisoner go so we can surrender to the authorities? Or did we win?"

"There's still time to get the candlewax ready," Amagasake offered.

"This is highly irregular," Tenchi groused in his chair. "And yet, strangely invigorating..."

"A-heh... let's just not discuss it," Ryoko chuckled as her face reddened considerably. "So that leaves Ryo-Oh-Ki, and she just wants to eat carrots and hang out with Sasami, so that's handled; Sasami, and she seems to have this whole dashing heroine thing going on; and Superman, and we don't even know where he is."

"Not quite, partner!" Ryo-Oh-Ki announced. "I can find our friend in no time!" She began to transform back into a car. "Hop in and I'll see if I can remember how to fly in this shape!"

[interlude three]

He fell for about two minutes before it occurred to him that he might be able to halt his descent. Willing his body to defy gravity, he stopped, and hung suspended in the darkness.

And then he found the darkness receding as a spotlight shone down upon him. Before, Superman might have used his super senses to check the light source for any clue that might have led to his escape. Now, that seemed like an exercise in futility. He didn't know much, but he knew enough to determine that he was just a rat in a maze in Legion's eyes, and the only way out of this illusion would be to go through him.

"Charming atmosphere, wouldn't you say?" Superman turned to find an all-too familiar face approaching him from behind. "Like an interrogation room in an old war movie. Reminiscent of more brutal methods of extracting information. Not my style, really."

He was about six feet tall, black suit of the post-B13 Metropolis fashion, and a charming, insincere smile that made up for the featureless surface of his bald head.

"Luthor," Superman sneered.

"Mr. President, my good man," Lex retorted. "And if you can't show me the proper respect to call me that, the least you could do is not interrupt."

Obviously this was some kind of trick. Even if Legion had somehow captured the real Lex Luthor, he'd be as mad as a wet hen right about now. Otherwise, it was a convincing doppelganger.

"As I was saying," Luthor went on, "I've found it to be far more productive to control information as opposed to squeezing it out from someone else. A television station here, a newspaper there, a diseased clone to take the fall for certain... legal matters. After a while the masses are so convinced by the charade that they'll do anything for you. Like when you ask them to pull a certain lever in a voting booth. All to happy to comply."

"I can put up with Luthor's gloating in the real world, Legion!" Superman shouted. "And if reminding me he's the President of the United States is supposed to be your big plan, you're a little behind on the times!"

"Typically, you miss the point, alien," Luthor smirked. "You see, I wouldn't even BE the President without you. Oh, you like to believe in your precious humanity, that they'd naturally refuse to elect me to the highest office in the land, but the fact is that you don't understand humanity at all, do you? I've said that all along, but now I have the electoral ballots to prove it. And through it all, you were the only person who could have possibly stopped me, but you chose to place your faith in the people of Earth. Well, don't be so surprised that we refuse to jump through your hoops on command, Superman. The fact is, the better man won. You just don't want to understand that."

"And I'm supposed to have killed him to stop him from becoming President?" Superman asked. "I told you, Zod, I don't operate that way! I may have killed you because I had no other alternative, but that doesn't entitle me to use my powers to interfere with the human race!"

"Why didn't you just run against him, Kent?" another voice growled. Before Superman could react, he felt a blast of radiation wash over him from behind, and he fell to the ground like a stone. He rolled over to see who had hit him, and once again he found the face of a dead man.

"Kenny," he groaned. "Kenny Braverman."

"Yeah, good ol' Kenny, Clark. Always second place because of you. Everything I ever did growing up I always came up short. Maybe it was because you were soaking up all that yellow sunlight that made you just a hair faster in track meets, or maybe it was because I was sick from being exposed to all that Kryptonite radiation when your stinking ship touched down the same night I was born. All I know is your whole 'Superman doesn't interfere' garbage didn't apply to high school, 'buddy'. Hell, when my metagene was activated and I turned into this Green-K spewing freak, I realized you'd been ruining my life from the day you were born! But did you do anything about it? No, you just gawked while I hit critical mass and exploded in the middle of nowhere."

"That didn't give you the right to try to destroy my personal life as Conduit, Kenny! You and your organization had a lot more in mind than just getting revenge on me, for that matter," Superman objected. "If you'd come to me with your problems instead of becoming consumed by your own bitterness maybe I could have--"

"Helped, Superman? As you helped me to an early grave?"

Superman slowly rose to his feet to face the third man, a dead ringer for himself, save for whole portions of his body replaced with mechanical parts. "Had it not been for the alien radiations emanated by your Eradicator artifact, the Excalibur would never have crash landed and my crew wouldn't have been mutated into twisted parodies of human beings. And while I desperately sought a solution, the sickness transformed me into a being of pure energy, capable of inhabiting and controlling any form of technology. Furious, I left Earth and returned to destroy it in your name, hoping to ruin your legacy just as you had wiped out my life. Indeed, I would HAPPILY dare to match Zod's crimes, Superman, but in my case you simply CAN'T kill me. Not permanently, at any rate. In the end, it will be Hank Henshaw, the dreaded Cyborg, who stands victorious over your broken corpse, and all because you wanted a little piece of Krypton on your mantle."

"Make all the threats you want, Cyborg!" Superman replied. "Even if you are immortal, I can keep defeating you over and over if need be! The REAL Cyborg, and not this illusion, Legion."

"My point precisely," Legion replied, stepping out of the shadows and revealing himself to Superman. "You won't be able to oppose these men or any other enemies you may have on Earth. Not trapped in this fantasy world as you are. That's the irony of it, I suppose."

"What's that?" Superman asked.

"In refusing to destroy these other beings, you only allowed them to wreak untold destruction and suffering upon your world. But by executing Zod and his fellows, you delivered yourself into my hands. And I promise you that you will never return."

[interlude ends]

Everything had turned out so wrong. She was losing control. She could feel it happening.

More than anything, she just wanted to run away, hide somewhere dark and warm and never risk hurting anyone again. Before, it had seemed slightly possible that she could just live a normal life like anyone else. Switching identities as the situation warranted.

It wouldn't work. She could see that now. She knew... instinctively somehow, that as she used her powers more and more, she would become more accustomed to the identity of Indigo Wonder Tsunami:S. But drawing the sword... somehow that seemed like opening the floodgates. Like everything that made her Sasami would be washed away forever, leaving someone else. Better, worse, or otherwise, the point was that she'd never know for sure, and she'd be powerless to stop it. It was that unknown quantity that frightened her. And she had to find someone who could give her some answers.

"Sasami, where have you been?" Ayeka demanded as she came racing into the house, slamming the door shut behind her. She didn't stop to answer, she just kept running. Through the hallway, up the stairs, and finally into Washuu's room.

"There you are, you little pest," Ryoko grinned. "We were waiting for you to show up."

She looked around and saw the wall-door had been forced open, and Washuu and Supe were standing in the corner with worried looks on their faces. On the other side of the room, Ryoko, Mihoshi, and Ryo-Oh-Ki stood there calm and relaxed.

"They... they just busted in here with Mobile Cabbit!" Supe exclaimed. "Great Scott, Sasami, I don't know what they want!"

"Yeah, we've been trying to convince Superman here that he's stuck in this dream with the rest of us," Mihoshi explained. "But he won't understand."

"Maybe you should eat another super-carrot now, Sasami," Washuu suggested. "Before it gets... ugly in here."

"Why do you keep calling me that!?" Supe screamed. "My name is Supe R. Mann! I'm a scientist! I have a family, friends, a normal life! How could a mild-mannered guy like me be the person you're talking about?"

"Yeah, we're full of crap, huh?" Ryoko sneered. "Look at yourself. Your costume's showing under your street clothes. Did you even TRY to tuck that cape in?"

He looked at himself and shook his head. "No. You're just trying to confuse me. You want to use me to get at Sasami! Well, it won't work!"

"Look, Cowboy, I don't know what your problem is here, but you can't bury yourself in your fantasy now! We have to get out of this mess!" Ryoko insisted.

"Yeah, and if Ryoko can't make love to a man under the influence of drugs while a bunch of people in bee costumes watch, then it wouldn't be fair to let you have your fondest wish!" Mihoshi added.

"Shut u-u-up..." Ryoko muttered.

"No! I'm not Superman! Me... I'm Supe R. Mann. That's me... me..."

Ryoko sighed. "We don't have time for this!" Raising her arms, she created a globe of energy in her hands and threw it at Supe's body. He didn't even try to avoid it, instead letting the blast wash over him, incinerating his outer clothing as he kept rambling to himself. When the smoke cleared, all that was left was his costume, slightly burned by the attack, his skin turned a ghostly shade of pale.

"Me... me... AM Su-per-man!" he howled, as if he's stumbled on the secret of the universe itself. "Me MUST be Superman, because me am not BIZARRO!"

Ryoko stared at him in shock and looked to Mihoshi. "This is SO not my fault..." she said over a quivering lip.

"I don't get it!" Mihoshi whimpered. "The rest of us are fine... what's happened to him?"

Before they could question it further, Bizarro inhaled deeply and blew a burst of flame from his mouth. They leaped out of the way and looked to see the carpet catch fire where they had once stood. "Me very upset that Ryoko and Mee-ho-shee not help Bizarro forget who me am!" the creature bellowed. "Now me can help Ryoko and Mee-ho-shee with whatever problem they have!"

"Don't do us any favors, you freak!" Ryoko screeched, leaping onto Bizarro in a frenzy. "I don't know what you've done to Superman, but you'll pay for it, you hear!? You HEAR ME!!?"

"Bizarro hear friend Ryoko very badly," he said calmly. "But me very terrified of Ryoko's threats anyway." With a wave of his hand, she went flying across the room, and hit the wall head first with a sickening thud.

Now he looked at Mihoshi. "Um... you have the right to remain silent?" she squeaked.

"Ha ha ha ha! You am very funny, Mee-ho-shee! Bizarro make sure that not written on your tombstone!"

Sasami simply watched the horror unfold, as Ryo-Oh-Ki tried to come to Mihoshi's aid, only to get tossed aside as well. Ryoko recovered to try again, but the monster unleashed a blast of cold from his eyes and froze her in a block of ice.

"It's not a pretty sight, is it?" Washuu asked calmly.

"Do something, Washuu!" Sasami pleaded.

"I already have," she replied, holding out the super-carrot she had in her hand. "Ball's in your court now."

"I--I can't!" Sasami objected. "You don't understand, if I become Tsunami, then..."

"Then what?" Washuu asked. "You're not quite sure, are you? Oh, you'll be powerful enough to stop Bizarro there, but at what price? For all you know you might turn into something as bad as he is. Maybe worse."

She looked at the carrot with terrified eyes, and then back at the battle.

Washuu sighed. "Let me put this into perspective for you. You're slowly growing up to become something new. Something different. Something powerful. You're barely aware of this, to the point where your conscious mind can't even make heads or tails of it.

"To that end, your UNconscious mind has been slowly coping with the process through dreams, like this one. They're quite strange and unsettling, I'm sure."

Sasami nodded slowly. She hadn't known this before, but as Washuu spoke it all seemed as if she was reviewing information she'd always known.

"Of course, they're dreams, so you can still deal with them. You wake up, get a glass of water, and everything's fine. But... and here's the matter at hand... you've been captured by an enemy and locked up in some kind of collective unconsciousness. Your friends figured it out, and they're trying to free themselves by letting the fantasy run its course. What they didn't count on was the complex nature of your dreams, and how they're really nightmares when you get right down to it.

"And you're doing what you always do in the dreams, trying to slowly adjust to what you're becoming, slowly evolving so you can make a smooth transition. But that can't work here, because you're not alone in your sleepy little head, are ya? Ryoko and Mihoshi and Ryo-Oh-Ki and Superman, they've all influenced the dream without realizing it, and it's sent things spiraling out of control."

"But what can I DO?" Sasami cried. "We can't wake up, and I can't become Tsunami because it might make things worse! I'm scared, Washuu!"

"Hey, tell me about it," she replied. "I AM a manifestation of your own larger sense of self, y'know. But look at them over there. I'm not the REAL Washuu, of course, but that's conceptually my baby girl out there trying to claw her way free of this madness. She's fighting something that used to be her friend, and she's hoping like hell that she's even doing the right thing.

"And of course, the REASON he's her friend is because HE flew off a gajillion miles from his home and 'normal life' to save her, with no more motivation than it was the right thing to do. And Mihoshi doesn?t even have her police equipment to fall back on now. You admire them because they can harness their great power and still live like regular people, Sasami. Don't. Admire them because they're willing to sacrifice their comfort and 'normalcy' if it means there's a chance of making things right. After all, if you do NOTHING, they're still doomed. Maybe all you've got are straws to grasp, but at least it's SOMETHING. And you're the only one they have left. Try. Please."

Sasami took a deep breath, and pulled the carrot from her hand without looking at her. "Do you... do you think they get as scared as I am right now?"

Washuu smiled grimly at her. "Every single day, I bet."

And she bit into the carrot.

In the midst of the fray Bizarro had finally gotten the advantage, choking both girls in either of his powerful hands, his face warped with a twisted grimace. "Now you have no need for Superman! And since he am here, me make sure you live FOREVER!"

"Ennnghhh! Y-yeah?" she answered, trying to pry loose his iron grip.

"Thanks for sticking your neck out for me... I'm sorry it had to end like this..."

"You--you mean he's gonna KILL us? Oh mannnn, I thought he meant Superman was gonna show up and help us out! I haaaaate this guy!"

"Almost sorry," Ryoko mumbled as Mihoshi began to sob and flail her legs wildly in panic.

"Let them GO!"

Bizarro turned to find out who was giving the order, and then he dropped his captives to the ground like sacks of potatoes. "Haw haw haw! Me hold onto friends because me not want to smash you now! You am much too strong to stop Bizarro!"

Tsunami grabbed the hilt of her sword in one hand and held the scabbard tightly in the other. "I don't know what you are, but I won't let you hurt them anymore! No matter what!" And she ran towards the twisted parody of a man, drawing the Lightning Sword of Freedom and leveling it straight for his chest. Bizarro laughed again and spat fire at her, but the flames dispersed as they approached the tip of the sword. Before he could try anything else, it was too late. With a great shove, she plunged the sword directly into the reversed "S" emblem on his chest. There was a pitiful gasp from his body, and then he dropped to his knees, his head drooping limply from his neck.

"Girl am... weaker than... Bizarro! Guess this am... hello..." And with that, he disappeared into thin air.

For a moment she just stood there looming over the spot where he had just been, and the room was silent except for the soft hum of her sword ionizing the air around its arcane energies. She looked back to find Washuu, but she was gone. On the other hand, Ryoko and Mihoshi were finally getting back to their feet.

"You have GOT to show me how to do that," Ryoko shouted. "Kid, that was incredible!"

"Hoo-leee..." was all Mihoshi could say.

"I, uh... I'm glad you liked it, I guess. And maybe one day I will show you, Ryoko," Tsunami sighed, returning the sword back to the Scabbard of Eternal Vigilance. "If we ever get back home, that is. I may have finished conquering this dreamscape, but that still doesn't get us out of here."

"And we still don't know what happened to Superman," Ryo-Oh-Ki added, crawling out from a pile of smashed bricks and drywall. "Are you gonna be OK, Eye-Dubya?"

"Just taking it one day at a time, I guess, Ryo-Oh-Ki," Tsunami said wearily. She dusted some debris off a chair and took a seat. "Yeah, everything's under control..."

Their respite was interrupted by a sudden rumble of thunder. It quickly died down and then started again. There was a rhythm to it, as if someone had managed to organize the weather or something. "Does anyone else hear that?" Tsunami asked.

NEXT: Legion Revealed?